


White Waters

by fairyalchemist



Series: Angsty Angst Angst [1]
Category: Fairy Tail
Genre: ANGSTY ANGST ANGST, F/M, Fluff, Romance, Short Story, Siren, Water Nymph, angsty, fairy tail - Freeform, fairy tale
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-09-08
Updated: 2017-09-29
Packaged: 2018-08-13 20:40:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 9,308
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7985488
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fairyalchemist/pseuds/fairyalchemist
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Gray's ship is attacked by an unknown water mage. Unable to save his crew, he's shipwrecked and finds a small cave that hides more than just a fresh pond inside.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: I've got so many damn things going on but after chapters 498-500 I had to try to write something with Juvia and Gray because I had to.  
> I came across this idea after listening to a beautiful and favorite song called White Waters by Epica. So, hope it's good enough.

**GRAY**

“My lord, it looks like this storm is getting worse. What do you want us to do?”

I looked at the worried face of the young man before me and tried to reassure him with a smile. He looked like he was in his teens, just old enough to join and I felt a little embarrassed as I tried to remember his name but it wouldn’t come to mind.

“What’s your name kid?”

“Romeo.”

“Like the Romeo from that famous play?”

“Yeah. You think you’re the first one? I get that a lot and it gets old really fast.”

I laughed at the kid’s succinctness and patted him on the shoulder. “It’ll be fine. I don’t think it’s as bad as it looks.” I lightly pushed him as I told him to go below deck, he didn’t need to know that the clouds overhead could have been magically created. I felt my body stiffen as dread washed over me. The storm looked immense, thunder and lightning roared from a distance and I readied my crew to prepare for impact.

It felt like an eternity as the clouds finally reached us. Salty spray from the crashing waves drenched us as we tried to hang on to the ship. I was afraid that we would be thrown overboard since the foam and the cold wind made it difficult to move and hold on to our lives. Silently, I prayed I hadn’t underestimated its severity.

I was immune to the cold, but my men weren’t and I couldn’t leave them like this. Their shouts were muffled as they tried their best to maneuver through the storm. I needed to make sure they were safe. I _had_ to make sure they were safe.

“Ultear!” I shouted to my most trusted advisor and friend. “Tell the men to go below.”

“But Gray, don’t you think it would—”

I cut her off, “I don’t have time to argue with you Ultear. Do it now! Tell them to cover up. I don’t want them to see—"

She understood me and she moved toward the few men still left out here with us. “Okay, but I’m coming back.”

Once they were gone, I used my magic to freeze myself to the deck and I steadied my feet. Calling my inner strength, my ice magic coursed through me, making my skin tingle in anticipation as I prepared my spell.

I knew I had two options, to encase us in an iced dome or to freeze us in place and hope that the waves wouldn’t crack my ice. I preferred the first one, but if I did that, my men could accidentally freeze to death. With my goal decided, I walked to the edge of the deck and froze the water surrounding us.

I looked around once I finished. It was difficult to breathe and my magic power was dangerously low. I had frozen about a mile diameter around the ship. I slowly walked to the door that led to Ultear and halted in place as my ice began to melt around me. It broke off into pieces in some place and transformed into an enormous wall of water, surrounding us in a magical orb. My fears had been right. Someone was creating this storm. I ran toward the door where Ultear had disappeared not long ago. She opened the door before I could get there and I shouted to her to go back inside. Her eyes were wide and as she pointed to something behind me, I looked back and then I saw darkness.  


	2. Chapter 2

**JUVIA**

Drip. Drip. Drop.

Drops of water dripped down onto the cave floor as I lay down in a small patch of warm sand by the opening. Waves swirled against my skin as the water merged with me.

“Thank you for giving me your strength.” I told the water, feeling rejuvenated and alive. My cave began to come alive as the sun was setting outside and I made my way to a flat rock overlooking the ocean ahead.

I liked sunsets, they're something I can enjoy alone. I didn’t need someone to be with me to savor the colors and feeling of the sunlight on my face or the crispness of the air.

As the pretty colors combined together to form a beautiful sunset in the horizon, a twinge of pain shot through me. Memories of my past flashed before my eyes and my heart felt heavy. I was deluding myself. I knew that. The little hairs on my neck stood up as the sobs overwhelmed me and my magic began to come in waves. There was a storm brewing up ahead and I knew I was the cause.

It was difficult to control my magic, the storms would come when I lost control and this time they had come like a sword to my chest I had no way of wrangling in the emotions inside of me, no way of controlling them. My heart grew heavier as my tears, my pent up rage and the loneliness overpowered me and I became one with it.

Resigning myself, I dissolved into the storm, to feel everything and let it pass. The sorrow would stop soon and the cathartic feeling--the calmness that followed it-- was always welcome after.

I raised my arms and my hair flowed around me when something suddenly caught my eye as I traveled through the water. A whiteness spread across the sea and I gasped. Something had frozen my magic. I wouldn’t be given a chance to unburden myself in peace. Cold hard ice spread out below me as it formed a circle around a ship and I held my breath, fury coursed through my veins. Someone had used magic against me, against my storm and my waters. This was unforgivable.

The drop of fury became a roaring river as I used my full power to absorb and melt the ice. It hadn’t taken long, but once I finished I resolved myself to destroy whoever dared to freeze my waters.

Screams resounded around me and then quieted as my tidal waves crashed the ship. Wooden planks broke apart and bodies began to float around. I didn’t care for what would happen to them, no one had ever cared about me.

When I finished, I made my way to my cave, letting the ocean take matters into her own hands. The fate of those who had fallen wasn’t my concern now. 


	3. Chapter 3

**GRAY**

“Ultear…” I groaned as I struggled to focus. My senses were off, I could feel sand on my back and water around me. My throat and my head hurt. It felt like I had sandpaper in my mouth. I opened my eyes and saw nothing familiar, this wasn’t my ship. _What had happened?_

The fleeting memories of a great big wave devouring my ship flashed in my mind. I had seen Ultear pointing at something just before succumbing to the darkness. I prayed that my men had survived. Struggling to get up, I looked around me, my surroundings were lush and green and full of life. _I’m in a cave._

I looked out toward the sea, nothing but calm waters lay before me. The cerulean ocean sparkled and reflected the sun’s warming rays. I breathed in deeply and tried to stretch my aching muscles. Once I was done with that, I shook the itchy sand from my hair and my clothes. I froze as my spine tingled and I turned to look behind me. It felt like someone had been watching me, but there was no one.

A sigh of relief left my lungs, but I tensed at the realization that I was alone in an unknown cave with no way of contacting anyone from the outside. I needed to look for a way out, but I would need to be careful. There was no way of knowing what could be inside this place.

Taking off my boots, I sat on a rock by the opening to the sea. The sun was setting, but I didn’t think it was the same sun I had seen just before the crash. It looked different and I knew then that today was a different day. How long had I been unconscious? And did I really need to know the answer?

The more days that had passed, the less likely it was that my crew could have survived the terrible sea waters. I hoped they were still alive but the small pebble was overshadowed by the rationality of it all. _I had failed them._ I had failed my crew and my friends and the thought was difficult to bear.

I pressed my forehead to my palms. I didn’t want to cry, it was for weak men and women who couldn’t stand the burdens of life. I was born a prince and would die one. There was nothing that was worth crying over. Except…

I willed myself to stay strong, but my body knew what my mind couldn’t stand to think about. I had been left to shoulder the burden of my men’s deaths and it was a lie if I told myself that I didn’t feel it like a dagger to my heart.  

A while passed before I grounded myself.

I looked back to the cave, it had grown darker and little lights started to shine inside.

Curious, and barefoot, I carefully made my way into the cave, intent on exploring and looking for things that might be of use to me. It was an unexpectedly warm place, a little too warm for me, but it was a good environment for life to thrive.

The lights I had seen were flying about me, giving the place a warm glow. Different colored rocks on the walls twinkled like stars as the bugs danced about. There was moss growing everywhere, some was even hanging above me, and almost looked like a natural adornment.

I smiled just then, the burdens of earlier washed away by what lay before me. This place was like a dream. It felt ethereal, pure and good. I didn’t think a place like this could ever exist. I wiggled my toes and the grass underneath my feet crunched lightly and as I walked down.

The damp earth below and the lights reflected on the ground let me know there was a pond nearby so I made my way down to where it was. I had briefly forgotten about my parched mouth, but the proximity to the small pond made me feel it ten times worse. After testing the water to make sure it was drinkable I cupped my hands and took various sips, forgetting to breathe. It was the best water I had ever drunk, even better than the one in the castle. I gasped as my stomach began to hurt. Panicked, I looked around as the feeling of being watched returned. No one was there, again. I exhaled a long breath and tried to relax.

I was being paranoid...

I stumbled as my body suddenly felt strange, my eyes blurred and began to feel heavy. I was too tired to do anything else, let alone think about what had just happened to me, so I laid down somewhere nice and soft by the pond, hoping that tomorrow I could finally leave this place.  


	4. Chapter 4

**JUVIA**

After destroying the ship I had made my way around the coastline near my cave to think of nothing in particular and pass the time. I don’t know how long had passed since I sank the ship, but something about it had bugged me.

At first, I tried not to go to where the ship had been but my conscience had forced me back there.  

Tinges of regret poked my heart as I looked for any signs of life among the broken wood and debris, but I found none. I had never really thought about the people I killed in the past, but the look that man on that ship had given me just before I had killed him had haunted me since then.

I didn’t know how to feel anymore.

I didn’t want to feel anything anymore.

The lives of people I had never known or would never know shouldn’t make me feel so strange inside.

They didn’t know me or care about what happened to me. Why should I even dare to give a small thought to what would happen to them?

I took a deep breath before my thoughts became unstoppable and uncontrollable. I didn’t want to think about it so I made my way back to my cave and arrived just before sunset. As I made my way inside, I gasped. There was a dead man lying in the opening, a dead man that had probably been on that ship.

My heart pounded as I neared the corpse and my hands shook while I moved the hair from the man’s face. He coughed slightly and I froze in place as relief washed over me. My hand still held his hair and I feared he would wake up, but after a few seconds I relaxed, he was alive but not conscious.

I took that opportunity to really look at him. I could feel magic energy coming from him and at that moment, I knew he was the man from the ship, the one who had frozen my magic. He didn’t look menacing at all, at least not while he was sleeping. If anything, while up close, he took my breath away. He was handsome, looked peaceful and noble and I wondered what color his eyes were. Would they be as blue as the ocean or as green as moss? I ran my hands through his blue black hair, it was silky and smooth. As I traced his features with my fingers, his skin felt rough and hard underneath.

Just then, his eyes fluttered, like he was about to wake up, so I quickly made my way to my small pond, hoping he wouldn’t realize I was there. I didn’t want to fight now and I felt too weak to do anything. Despite his attack, I wanted to know more about this man. No one had ever made it alive into my cave before, and I haven’t seen a person this close since I was small. I didn’t know why I decided this or where this would lead me but I knew if I killed him now, I would regret it for the rest of my life.

As he shuffled around, I studied him. He moved like he commanded the space around him. He was curious and cautious, but his face told me he could appreciate natural beauty when he came across it. He looked at the sunset like it was the first one he had ever seen. I wanted to share it with him, but as he looked back to me, I hid.

His expressions gave me joy as he made his way down my home. It was truly a beautiful place, and I admired him for realizing its splendor. This cave had been my home since I was small and my heart grew light as I was secretly sharing it with him.

I tried to gain the courage to appear before him and began to make my way to him but as he looked around, I hid again. I knew if he ever found out who I was, he would hate me. I couldn’t bear the thought of losing someone that could make me feel this ache of happiness in my heart. I didn’t want him to see me yet.

He coughed as he caught sight of the pond intent on drinking the fresh water I had created and I swiftly made my decision. Making sure not to be seen, I grabbed some sleeping herbs and put them in the water and hoped that they would make him fall asleep quickly.

Once he laid down to sleep, I struggled to carry him to my bed, he was heavier than I thought he would be. I hoped he would recover soon and that I hadn’t just decided to nurse my future killer back to health.


	5. Chapter 5

**GRAY**

_This is just a dream._ I was dreaming, at least I  _hoped_ this was a dream. I slowly opened my eyes and saw twinkling blurry lights bounce around in my vision. Distant memories of my ship and my crew felt like they had never happened. I shook my head, not wanting to accept it, I was back at my castle I had to be.  _This is just a dream._

My lids felt heavy and everything was out of focus as I tried to look around me and the cave became real. I gasped, trying to catch my breath and then I saw her.  She was there in the water, a silhouette that turned into something familiar. I searched into the recesses of my mind to find where I had seen her before, but couldn’t place it.

She looked ethereal, like a fairy, her eyes as were as dark as foreboding clouds and her hair was the color of a calm sky after a storm. And her skin, her skin was pale and perfect like a pearl in the sea. I tried to move and I felt something soft under me, I imagined this was what clouds felt like.

I shuffled around, trying to get up but my head ached as I tried to move. Trying to push the pain aside, I managed to sit up wanting to ask her so many questions but I stopped. I don’t think she had noticed me looking at her earlier since she now had her back to me.

She was standing by the cave’s entrance, facing the sunset and I became mesmerized at the sight as she started to sing. What had begun as humming to a song I had never heard, turned into something else. Her voice echoed through the cave, it went through me, surrounding me in sultry notes that turned into chills on my skin. I felt warm and cold, sadness and joy, hate and regret, all at once.  _She must be a siren sent to kill me._  I thought, as she swayed to the song she sang and the colors of the sky decorated her like a halo.

I tried waiting for her to finish her song before moving but I couldn’t. I wanted to see her clearly. As I sluggishly tried to move, the crunching of grass under my feet startled her and she cut her song short as she turned around to face me. I stopped moving, putting my hands up, trying not to scare her away. Questions coursed through my mind, about her and the cave and the ship. But of all of what I wanted to know, I felt like an idiot when I finally asked her a question without thinking it through.

“Is this your cave?” My face felt like fire, of course it was hers--she was possibly the only person within ten miles from here. I cleared my throat, trying to push the embarrassment aside. “Forget that, what’s your name?” My voice cracked, my throat felt like sand and I couldn’t tell if it was from thirst or something else.

Her eyes widened as I slowly walked closer to her, my body ached, failing to move as fast as I wanted it to. I felt heavy and tired. Had there been something in the water? I had drunk it before falling asleep, but I couldn’t be certain of it.

The closer I got to her, the more she retreated into the ocean and I was terrified she would go too far and hurt herself. “I’m sorry, I’m not going to hurt you. Please, I just need to know what happened to me.”

An eternity passed before she moved. Without saying a word she hesitantly walked forward, cupping her hands together and raising them to me, like she was offering something. There was a strange liquid in her hands, it looked like water but I was skeptical of it. It looked like it had a tinge of silver in it. It sparkled more than fresh drinking water. I tried to think of ways it could have appeared there. Could she be some sort of water mage? Could the strange water be poisoned or have an abnormal effect on me? The gut feeling inside of me told me that the pond water earlier had been laced with something, but if I had been drugged, I couldn’t be certain of it.

I needed to be cautious, so I tightened my lips, crossed my arms over my chest and stepped back from her. “I’m not drinking your poison water,” I told her, anger beginning to bubble up inside of me. She wouldn’t tell me anything I needed to know and it was irritating and confusing.

“It’s not poisoned,” she finally spoke to me but looked away, her voice went through me, unexpectedly sweet and soothing. “It’ll help you feel better.”

“How can I trust you? You won’t even tell me what I want to know,” I struggled to speak, every word felt like a knife in my throat. I tried to swallow but that hurt too.  

She paused, a frown came to her face as she thought what to say. “How could I trust  _you_? How would I know you’re not here to kill  _me_?”

Her question took me by surprise, there had been pain in her voice and I was unsure of myself at that moment. Had I hurt her feelings? Ilooked at her,  _really looked at her_. I admit, didn’t know who the hell she was, but she didn’t look like a person that would have an assassin at her back.

“Touché.” I smiled at her, trying to diffuse the situation. I figured if she really wanted to kill me, she could have done it while I was unconscious, so I resigned myself to trust her. “Okay,” I told her, trying to let appear as nonthreatening as I could, “I guess you got me there. I promise I won’t hurt you in any way.” I put my fists to my heart, letting her know I was being honest. “My name is Gray, what’s yours?”

She didn’t smile back to me. “I’m Juvia,” she offered her hands to me again and I took my time greedily drinking from them, too weak to make it back to the pond. Fresh water felt cool and refreshing against my throat and I felt a surge of magical power within me. I drank as much as I could, the water never ran out and as I finished, I looked up into her eyes.

“Are you a water mage, Juvia?” My heart felt a pang as I thought about my ship, my crew, my ice, and how it had disappeared so suddenly. I hoped I was wrong, but something about her had nagged at me earlier and it made me feel uneasy. In my country, magic users were rare and it was considered unusual to be able to use it. Some even thought of it as taboo, even going as far to call magic users demons. I hated letting others see the full extent of my powers, so I tried not to use them unless absolutely necessary. But, as I took my time to think, I also realized that even if she was able to use water magic, she might not even tell me.

After a moment, she took a deep breath and finally answered. “No, I’m not a water mage,” she said, putting her hands to her sides as she walked past me and sat on a rock by the edge. She gazed out to the horizon where the sun, now a small dimming slice of light, was giving its final breath of the day. I carefully made my way to sit next to her and looked at her as her face glowed in the setting sun. Her skin looked smoother than it had earlier, she was pretty in this light, and I wondered what had made her live in this place.

I paused for a moment, steeling myself. “Then what are you?” I whispered, unsure if I wanted to know the answer. Juvia stiffened and I held my breath as I saw the ocean waters start to come alive in the distance. Clouds became combinations of blacks and greys while the sounds of thunder and lightning bounced off the cave walls. Whitecaps crashed against the rocks which outlined the entrance of the cave, the salty smell of the ocean became even stronger than before.

She turned to face me then, tears in her eyes, and I immediately regretted asking her and making her cry.

“What _am_ I!?” She shouted between sobs, her hair rose around her face as static electricity from the storm coursed through and around her. “Can’t you see?” She laughed hysterically, her body became a tremulous wreck as she moved away from me toward the open ocean. I was shocked at her transformation, she looked nothing like she had earlier. And even though she had saved me, part of me was preparing to defend myself.

I stood from the rock while she outstretched her arms and water pooled around her-- as if she was commanding it. Her sobs became heavier and she screamed. “I’m cursed!” Her voice tore through me as it reverberated against the roaring thunder. "Do you hate me now? Hate me! Hate me! Hate me!" Understanding her pain, I stretched my arm out to her, wanting to sooth her--trying to reach her--but she disappeared into the water, and I was left alone with the silence.  


	6. Chapter 6

**JUVIA**

_I’m cursed. I’m cursed. I’m cursed._

The thoughts consumed me, I couldn’t force them out of my head, the truth always hurt. That’s what I am, what I’ve always been. I couldn’t change it and I also couldn’t help myself from reliving the past, over and over again. My heart felt heavy as memories pushed themselves through my defenses. Some of them were things I thought I’d forgotten, and the aching pains came once again, accompanying the stings of knowing that I had killed people… No matter how much I forced myself no to care, I had always failed…

_“You’re stupid little bitch. Why won’t you stop crying? You’re a curse, I know it….God made you to punish me!” SLAP!_

_“Why can’t you make the rain stop? Juvia? Aren’t you my friend? I don’t like the rain, make it stop!”_

_“Juvia, maybe you should be asleep all the time, that way it’ll stop raining.”_

_“Don’t you ever get tired of crying? You’re so annoying, why don’t you just die?”_

_“What is this? Did you kill him, Juvia? Now, look what you’ve done… You don’t deserve to have friends. You’re a curse on all of us!”_

_“Leave! Now! You’re disgusting!”_

_“Let’s burn her! She killed my poor boy, she doesn’t deserve to live!”_

_“She’s brought us nothing but misfortune, we need to kill her before she kills us all!”_

Floods of memories flashed before my eyes and I let them flow through me. I couldn’t stop it, but the desire to do so was still there.

Why couldn’t I just not exist?

Why was there something holding me back?

An eternity passed before it finally stopped. Taking a deep breath to calm my erratic breathing, I focused on the present, feeling the lovely water on my skin and salty ocean air in my lungs. Relief replaced despair as the ocean lulled me in her arms. Nothing but waves and silence surrounded me, an unending darkness below a breathtaking sky.

The sun had set a while ago, I don’t know how long I’ve been floating in the water but the stars were already twinkling in the sky. It was beautiful, it made me feel small, like my life was inconsequential in the grand scheme of things. Like the curse was another world away and I was free.

The thumping of my heart slowly returned to normal and I felt liberated, the storm had abated. Floating on my back, I relished the feel of my hair floating around me, like it was alive. I liked the way the water sparkled under the moonlight on the waves. It looked like glitter had fallen down from the heavens, like it wanted me to share the little happiness that it gave me.

Gray’s face flashed in my mind and I wondered what he would think of if he saw the view above me. I felt a pang in my chest as guilt spread through me. I had destroyed the ship and all the people in it. I had lied to myself if I said I didn’t care. I just _didn’t_ want to care. Now I knew there was someone who’d survived. He loathes me now, I realized, because I’d told him to. Everyone else eventually did. I just wanted Gray to see it sooner and I hated it, hated myself.  

 _“Maybe you should sleep all the time_ , _that way it’ll stop raining.”_

My eyes felt heavy and I knew that I had to go back but the thought of seeing his face again, full of hatred and horror, made me want to curl in a ball and disappear into the water. I waited a while longer, hoping that by the time I returned, he’d be asleep and I wouldn’t have to face him until morning.

As I approached the cave, I wondered what I would tell him tomorrow. He couldn’t stay now that he hated me, I didn’t want him to stay. What if he tried to kill me? What would I do then? If he did try to kill me, I deserved nothing more from him. If he succeeded, I wouldn’t blame him. It’d be a relief, this curse would be broken and I wouldn’t be able to harm anyone else. Death or eternal loneliness, it was the price I had to pay for this curse, it had been the price all along.

 _“You’re disgusting!”_  The memories echoed in the recesses of my mind and I tried to force them back, it was difficult, but somehow I always found a way…

Rippling water surrounded me, comforting me as I glided to my cave, I was close now, glowing moss on the rocks I’d placed when I first arrived were easy to see from the ocean. I slowly made my way inside, the light bugs were floating like they always did. But tonight, they weren’t as bright as they had been before. I stepped inside and felt the sand on my wiggling toes and sighed at the familiarity. This was my home—

“Juvia…”

His voice startled me and I almost fell back. He’d been standing in silence on the cave wall to my left, his silhouette was difficult to see, but I could feel his presence now. I closed my eyes and squared my shoulders, not wanting to face him, but forcing myself to do so anyway.

He looked hard, like a stone statue. I couldn’t tell what he was thinking, his face betrayed nothing, and I felt vulnerable for a moment. Taking a deep breath, not understanding what I myself was feeling, I forced myself to walk forward with purpose, to let him think I was now in control of my curse and made my way to my small room. I didn’t get very far.

He stopped me as he lightly grabbed my arm and whispered, “What do you mean you’re cursed?”

His touch felt like nothing I’d ever felt, I couldn’t understand it, no one had ever touched me like this. It was confusing, but I liked it and I hated it, my thoughts became an incoherent mess. Something about his touch unnerved me, I didn’t know what it was. I felt tears start to pool in my eyes, my sight blurred and a sob escaped from me. I could hear the winds in the distance, it were starting again, and thunder and the lightning began to form. I was hopeless, this curse would never stop.

I pulled myself away and stood there, my hands to my face, trying to muffle myself. If I couldn’t hear the cries that came out of me, maybe it would stop sooner… I didn’t have the energy to leave this time and I couldn’t let him be near me or he’d die. Desolation wrapped its cold dark self around me and I felt the curse get stronger, its thorny claws grabbed and clenched my heart.

“Don’t come near me, please!” I stepped back, slowly making my way to the entrance, but something enveloped itself around me and I stopped.

“Stop leaving like this, Juvia. I need to know…”

I tried to pry myself from him, but he was stronger and held onto me. “What are you doing?” I asked him, not understanding…

He wrapped his arms around me, I could feel his heartbeat, and he felt warm and comforting. Was this a trick of some sort?

“This is what people do when they want to comfort someone they know is feeling sad,” he said as he pressed my face to his shoulder. His hands were stroking my hair and I pushed my weight on him, arms to my sides, wanting to feel closer to something I had never experienced.

“Are you going to kill me?” I couldn’t stop myself from asking him, wishing that he would finally give me the reprieve I desperately wanted.

He stiffened before saying, “No, this is a hug, Juvia. It doesn’t mean that I’m going to kill you--”

I looked up at him, “Oh, I didn’t know—” I whispered as he looked down at me and time stood still. With him this close, I could see the length of his eyelashes, how his eyebrows wrinkled as he thought of what to say. I could see his dark hair sway on his forehead and the color of his lips as he licked them… _What is this feeling?_

He cleared his throat, closed his eyes and inhaled a deep breath before saying, “You’ve never been hugged?”

Something about the way he said it made me cry, but he held onto me and rubbed my back as I fell down on my knees. He was an anchor that kept me from losing control, with his soothing touch the curse didn’t feel as overwhelming as it had earlier and I was grateful for that small miracle. Maybe it was this hug he was giving me, or the fact that he wasn’t running away. There were so many new things that were going through my mind, he gave me the feeling the ocean did with this hug, and it was strange and welcoming all at once.

The storm calmed and I felt too weak to get up. Slightly embarrassed, I tried to stand but I couldn’t.

“Would you like me to carry you to your bed?” He asked as he picked me up in his arms. Failing to reply, I didn’t move or speak as he carried me across the cave. I hoped he wouldn’t notice the intense drumming of my heart. He was making me feel all these things that scared me.

Once he lowered me on my bed, I closed my eyes, too tired to do anything else. “Goodnight, Juvia,” he said as he stroked my hair for a moment and then left me alone with my thoughts.

 


	7. Chapter 7

**GRAY**

_What was I doing?_  

My thoughts berated me, telling me that I was being insane getting too close to her.

I barely knew her or what she was capable of, it would lead to disaster, I felt it like a shadow that followed me. A small sliver of dread slithered in my head that she was the one who’d been responsible for the destruction of my ship, the thought of her being so callous was not something that came easily, I didn’t want to think her capable of killing _anyone._ But that feeling was still there. Her face haunted me as I moved around the dim cave, the thought of her crying herself sick, of her not knowing what it meant to be hugged. This all felt out of my control. I didn’t know what I should do. Should I help her learn to control herself, or should I just find a way to leave.  

I struggled to merge the two Juvias together, the sweet vulnerable one to the potential murderer, and it suddenly dawned on me that she was not truly aware of why she was so unpredictable. I tried to understand why she would willingly kill anyone in the first place. Maybe she’s done it before? I needed to be careful, her powers were not fully understood, she was all over the place with her magic, it was deadly, an extreme that should never happen in someone as old as she was. Only children had such little self-control with magic, I was certain something troubling had made her so erratic. There weren’t many magic users that I knew of in my kingdom, but my own experience and Ur’s guidance had shown me that magic was an amazing skill that could also be a dangerous weapon.

My vision blurred, I was thinking too much for too long and I’d barely eaten anything at all since I arrived. I wondered how Juvia had fed herself in this tiny cave for as long as she’d been here. How long _had_ she been here? Did she even know the answer herself? Despite the marvels this place held inside, it was her sanctuary and in a way, it was probably her prison too. I paced for a while as I lost track of time, my stomach grumbled and I neared the cave’s edge to use my power to push the nearby fish toward me underwater, I needed the distraction, if only for a moment.

If only…

“Gray…” Somehow I heard her whisper from across the cave and my chest felt heavy as I thought of what to say, where this conversation would lead. I knew I had to leave this cave as soon as I could but something about her suffering here alone made me question myself. Uncertain, I grabbed three fish from the waters and put them on a stone as I smashed two rocks over a small lump of dead grass for a fire. Maybe I was just imagining her calling for me, like a ghost from my dreams…

“Gray,” she whispered again, I could sense her coming closer and I stood still, forcing my eyes closed knowing that if I saw her in this light, I could somehow convince myself to stay, to help the woman who had killed my men. Was this how the men in ancient stories felt when the siren’s called for them? It must be…

“Gray?” the low sob undid me, my composure evaporated as my eyes opened and saw her, vulnerable and beautiful under the pale slivers of moonlight that pierced through the clouds. “I’m so sorry,” she stood and then crumbled to her knees on the grass, her sobs quickly morphed into the cries I had heard before, and the thunder started to roar in the distance all over again.

“Juvia, please…” I left the fish and the pile of dead grass and cautiously made my way to her. “Don’t cry,” I said as I knelt down next to her, touching her hair and stroking it between my fingers, hoping that it would help her feel less lonely. Her hair felt like supple silk, as soft as a rose’s petals beneath my fingertips and a faint flowery scent reminded me of the gardens from my home.

Ultear’s face flashed for a second in my mind and I ground my jaw as I struggled to not push Juvia away.

“I killed them…the ship,” the barely audible whisper felt like a stab to my heart. Hearing it come from her lips made it _real_ , tangible and definite. I lowered my hands and fisted them, not knowing what to say to her, I didn’t even know what to _think_. Did I feel more hurt than rage? Was it even justified, knowing that she was hurting from what she’d done?

She faced the ground, her blue hair became a curtain between us, covering her face from me and I couldn’t tell what she was feeling anymore. A sudden deafening silence enveloped the cave, the waves almost went completely still, and I held my breath as I thought of what to tell her. I wanted to know one thing in this moment. The one thing that I felt would tell me what I needed to know to move forward.

“Juvia,” I took a deep breath before asking her, knowing that it could very well be a question she wouldn’t answer again. “What did you mean when you said you were cursed?”

A minute passed before she finally faced me and I could see streaks of tears on her cheeks, I wanted to wipe them away, to make them disappear from her soft pearly skin. Her lips quivered as she thought of what to say and the storm finally subsided in the distance. “I’ve always been cursed,” she said as she stared straight ahead at the ocean waters. “I killed a boy when I was younger,” her voice turned eerily flat, like she was recalling something that she didn’t fully understand but that still hovered over her. “They said it was my curse… they tried to kill me…she--” Juvia faced me, her eyes watered and at that moment I _knew_ she hadn’t truly meant to kill anyone. I reached forward to touch her, to reassure her even a little, but she jerked away.

“She told me I was a curse. That I shouldn’t exist… I couldn’t stop it, I _can’t stop—“_

I wondered who Juvia was referring to but I knew asking her would be a mistake. Her memories felt raw and coarse and full of hurt. At least that’s what I could tell from looking at her expressions, so  I held my tongue.

Juvia then hastily stood and covered her face as she ran to her small makeshift bed at the other end of the cave. I ran after her, I _had_ to. In that few seconds it took me to catch up to her I had made up my mind that I would find a way to help her.

I touched her shoulder lightly and turned her toward me. “Juvia, I don’t think you’re cursed,” I moved a strand of cerulean hair from her face as she looked up at me with her beautiful deep vulnerable eyes. The depth of her despair reminded me of myself and I knew that even though she’d hurt others, that she needed someone to help her find her way through her darkness. “I don’t think you--” I paused as I thought of how to phrase what I would say next. “I don’t think you harm others because you want to.” I took one of her hands in mine and I raised her palms between us like when she offered me the water she created. “Your curse isn’t a curse…” My hands hovered over hers as I created a small ice sculpture that looked like her with a mermaid’s tail. “Your curse is just magic that you don’t know how to control…”

Her eyes widened as she raised the mermaid closer to her face and studied it. “It’s so pretty,” she smiled at me and gasped as I conjured another sculpture of me riding a horse.

“I think if you learn how to control your magic and understand it better you could decrease the storms you think are your curse.” I let the thought sink in as I studied her while she looked over my creations. If I could help her stop the storms, then I would feel like I could leave her alone with a minimal chance of her harming others with her magical outbursts. I could go back to the castle and do my duties and let the families of my crew know what happened. The heaviness in my chest was bittersweet as I saw Juvia’s face light up with hope. No one is entirely evil, my experiences has taught me that much, and I knew she wasn’t the demon she thought herself to be.

“But they said I was cursed?” She asked me with uncertainty in her voice. “I know I’m cursed. It must be a curse?” I could see her question herself as she told me this and I knew I could make her understand.

“No, believe me Juvia,” I told her as I dissolved the two sculptures with a simple touch. “I know what it’s like to think your magic is nothing but something that could ultimately destroy you. I thought I was cursed once too.” I lightly grabbed her arms and squeezed them, needing the physical connection with her. “Like you, I thought I couldn’t control it. But I _learned_ how to do it and I think you can do it too. I’ll teach you how to do it.” I looked into her eyes, silently pleading with her to understand that she was not alone and that I was willing to help her.

“What if I can’t learn how to do it?” She looked down and mumbled under her breath and I smiled at her hesitation.

I tilted her chin up with my finger, “I said the same thing when I was a seven and didn’t know how to use my magic. You know what my master told me?” I smiled as I recalled Ur’s face in the palace grounds as she lightly tapped my head with frustration at my self-doubt. “She told me that if I had a brain and a body that worked and if I put my heart and soul into it, I could do anything. And you know what I think?”

Juvia’s lips quirked up and I could see a spark slowly start to light up her eyes, like an electric current of determination that I knew would help her find the will to control her powers. “What do you think?” She asked as she squared her shoulders, a faint confidence slithered its way through her and the transformation was stunning.  

I cleared my throat. “I think that you can do anything if you believe it and you work hard for it. I believe in you Juvia, I’ll help you through this, I promise.”  

Even with the low lighting of the cave I could see her face light up with determination and in that instant I had a feeling that I would never be the same again.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for sticking around. School is getting hectic but I'll try to update more!! Happy reading and have a nice day (:
> 
> Let me know what you think in the comments below!!


	8. Chapter 8

**JUVIA**

It had been weeks since I had told him and my fears still haunted me. The days mold together, sometimes they are not enough for me. He’s sleeping now, on a makeshift cot beside my small bed. I don’t know how he came to me, but the ache of emotions begin to stir in me as I think of this.

Thinking of nothing and everything at once, I stared at the water flowing down between my fingers. Smooth and silky, the saltiness stung small cuts I had on my hands that I don’t remember how I got. There was a chill in the air and I longed for the cold to envelop my heart, to make me not feel anything at all. He confused me, made me want things I didn’t understand when he touched me. I don’t know if I want him to leave or to stay with me forever.

The powers he has shown me to control, if only for a moment, can do much more than I can understand. But the depths are still hidden from me.

Do I deserve a chance?

Is he telling me truth? My doubts are like heavy weights on my shoulders. I don’t know what to think anymore….

_Where do I belong?_

I ask myself when I feel his hands on mine.

_Is he going to kill me?_

I ask myself as he smiles to me with the bright sun illuminating his face.

_You’re cursed._

They whisper before I go to bed.

_You’re cursed._

They remind me in my dreams.

_I told you from the beginning. You kill everything you touch…_

She reminds me when I see myself in the water.

No... I didn’t know--

I didn’t.

I don’t.

I don’t deserve to live a life of smiles and hugs that make me want more. I killed them, his friends, people he knew. Why would he want to help me?

I can feel it when he talks to me with his smile. His voice hypnotizes me, his dark eyes shine like stars that I wish upon at night. But I can still feel how in the back of his mind he wonders if I can kill him too.

My body chills at the thought that this will end. That with one word, one simple touch I will be alone again. My self-control evaporates like smoke as the clouds come back. In a way they are comforting, but I feel the ache of helplessness spread like a dull and slow pain. _Maybe this is what I’m truly meant for…_

I start to melt into the cold ocean, slowly, savoring every cold sting, like fine needles on my flesh.

What was it that he told me? It all feels like it’s false. What is the point of anything I do, if I end up going back to the same place over and over again? If it’s not a curse, like he tells me, is it a part of me already? Entwined within, unable to be released. It feels like it. It feels like I can’t escape, like it’s dug itself in my soul, the darkness that can’t let go.

“Wait,” I hear him whisper from somewhere near me but I don’t have the strength to face him now. Thunder looms in the distance and I have failed. He looks like he’s not there at all, like I’m seeing a fictional Gray, the one I want to be real and understand. Can’t he just rip the darkness out and leave nothing behind? I can’t do it myself. I don’t have the strength anymore. No matter how much he believes in me, it doesn’t feel like anything inside me is truly changing.

“I’m sorry, Gray,” I mouth the words to him, knowing he can’t see me but I can see his silhouette. My imagination fills in the gaps, I can almost feel his voice on my skin, pleading me to control my powers.

“Juvia!” His voice sounds strange and I pause. “Remember to breathe,” he appears before me like dream. His hands on my shoulders, a physical plea that reverberates down my spine. He’s so warm and soft.

I can see him clearly now, his eyes as dark as the sky behind us. He lifts his hands and I flinch, I don’t know what to think when he’s so near. The scent of his skin reminds me of his touch and my thoughts become muddled. His hair is messy, something inside me yearns to smooth it with my fingers.

“Breathe…” He inhales and looks at me as if to tell me to do the same. Something about his face in this moment, makes me want to touch him. A compulsion of my heart. This warmth he’s given me has done _something._ I need to feel him under my fingers. Even if for a moment….

I breathe in, slowly and let my breath go. His breath mingles in with mine and I want to cry for him. I want to cry for me. I want to cry for the inevitability that will come between us. I can’t keep him. He doesn’t belong with me. With a cursed person. With a _murderer._

What is the point of it? If he will only get hurt. I don’t have the strength to be strong, for him, for me. There’s no point anymore. This is the way it was meant to be. If fate is real, then I know it must not want me to be happy.

_If I could, I would send you back._ I think of him, how his life was before he met me. It was probably better without me. His friends would still be alive without me.

“Gray,” I whisper out to him, hoping he accepts this. The end. Between us, there is nothing more left.

I lift my fingers, slowly. He doesn’t see, but I hope he understands…

I want him to understand…’’

“Juvia, what are you doing? I told you,” he lifts hands to my face. “Don’t let the darkness consume you like it’s done in the past. It’s just you and me right now. I know you. I know you’re strong, and beautiful and lovely. You have the strength to overcome the darkness. I know you do.”

He strokes my hair with his hands and I shake in them. There are no tears in my face but I want to believe him, if only for a fraction. But these feelings…

“Don’t let it get the best of you. You have me here. I can help you, just breathe in and out. Juvia.”

I do as he says. There’s a determination in his face and I don’t understand how a person could have so much hope in me. No one ever has before. My life has felt like one big unending chain of pain. What is one more day of the same thing? Isn’t that how people live?

“Juvia, look at me again and describe me. What do you see?”

The question confuses me.

“What do I look like?” He asks me.

“A prince.”

“What?”

“You look like what I imagine a prince looks like.”

“How does a prince look like?”

“Like a dream.”

“I’m not a dream, I’m right here.”

“But what if you are a dream?”

He wipes something from my cheek. “Would I be able to touch you if this was a dream?”

“I don’t know—”

“Do you think a person in a dream would be able to wipe your cheek like this? He wipes something from my other cheek. “Why are you crying Juvia?”

Sobs escape from my throat and a knot forms there. I can’t speak. I can only see the man before me, like a dream.

“Juvia,” he whispers. “Do you know what you’ve done to me?”

A warmth surrounds me as he grasps me in his arms. I surrender to his embrace, the essence of his being brings me comfort.

“You’ve made me hope for so many things, Juvia. I want you to have that hope too. I want to be the one to give you hope. I won’t let you go.”

His eyes, they’re so beautiful—but they’re something I don’t deserve—

The darkness disappears suddenly as a bright beam of light shines behind me. I’m blinded by the light but feel cold as ice. I can’t understand it, my senses are overwhelmed as my body freezes. Nothing makes sense. _Am I dying?_ I wonder as flashes of his touch cross my mind.

“Goodbye…I lo--” I whisper to him, knowing this is the last time I’ll ever see someone as beautiful as him ever care for me.

_What are you doing?!_

_I thought she was…_

_No! Why did you…_

_…She almost destroyed…._

_Did she…_

_I…no…but you have to go back…_

_What did you do to her?_

_It’s something I learned…_

_Undo it…_

_It’s not something I can do yet…_

_Why?_

_Because she tried to…_


End file.
